Weight and Body Image Issues

I think that I try to lose weight at some point every single year without fail sometimes it’s successful, most times it’s not especially because my love for food is so much greater than my care about accept social standards of what I should look like or what I should weigh.

The other day I got one of these Facebook notifications that shows you like a photo from years back and I saw this picture and I was thin based on my own idea of what thin is and I’m positive that even at that time I got comments on my weight even at the time I may have even gotten some “you are getting fat o!”

I’ve heard of people not getting the jobs they want because they are too skinny or too fat , the other day a discussion about an actress came up, she used to be plus sized but has since lost weight now, she’s great at acting but it was noted that she may not have gotten has many acting jobs as she does now if she were still plus sized as if it’s impossible that the characters she has played cannot be plus sized

my conclusion is that no Matter what ones size is people will make comments , “you’ve gotten fat”, “ahn ahn you’re so skinny”, “why aren’t you eating ?”, “you better start eating healthier meals” the unsolicited opinions that never end.

This brings me to my next point which is specifically directed at Nigerians commenting on a persons weight isn’t a greeting, or a pleasantry every time you meet someone and you have the urge to comment on their weight say a little prayer in your head instead that god gives you the grace to mind your business and focus on your own weight instead and minding the business that pays you.

Thank you for reading, before I go I would like to know what the beauty standards are where you are from or where you live?and how that has affected or not affected how you view your body.

Leave your answers in the comment section , let’s discuss.😎

I spent 2 months alone ..

… and here’s what I learnt

I learnt that I like myself, I like my own company, and even though I don’t want to be alone all the time, like how it has been during this time self isolating due to the pandemic , if I happen to find myself in a situation that’s nearly like this without the threat of a virus , I’d be fine.

This  discovery has been almost life changing (I say almost because nothing is ever truly that life changing).I have had fears, all be it really minor ones(never gone into a full blown panic attack about it, and I’ve had panic attacks about many things, failure has been number one, but I digress), fears that I thought I’d never publicly admit to  that I just might be alone forever, and it’s good to know that even if that’s the case I’d be alright.The discovery that I don’t have to spend my life seeking someone who would want to be with me forever is liberating, for some reason looking at people do the mad search for a life partner seems completely sad and I never want to be sad like that.I have to acknowledge that I did not get here alone, my mother, the internet , and virtual friendships have been a source of joy and strength, it will be a lie to say that I got to this point alone. I am grateful for these people and these things.Now I know if I ever happen to be doing  a mad  search  for anything or anyone it would be for my mother, shelter, food,money and the internet.

Moral: sometimes it takes the world completely going apart to show you the essentials in life, and if you’ve ever been told that you need a significant other to be know that it’s a lie.

WHAT A TIME.

The Phenomenon of the Busy Boyfriend

I’ve discovered that the trick to not having a busy boyfriend is having no boyfriend at all and boy!!! have I nailed that pat down! , you can not imagine the kind of peace that comes with it (or maybe you can) , I haven’t dated in years and the last and only time I did date, I broke up with him so often that one time I said I think we should end this relationship and he just shrugged 😂.

Recently a few of my friends have casually mentioned that their boyfriends haven’t called or texted in days some running into a week, as the relationship expert that I and most single people like me are (sidenote: why do we always seem to be better at giving relationship advice when we are not in a relationship?) I asked, have you called him? , the answer was yes! He says he has been busy.

Lately I’ve discovered men are the same everywhere Chinese men, Indian men, Nigerian men ,like someone will be gisting me about a man and I’m just like “oh my god! This sounds like a Nigerian man, where is he from?” Usually he’s not Nigerian at all and it has made me wonder do men from all over the world have a meeting where they collectively agree to act like scum. It is interesting.
I hope I get invited to the female version of this meeting if it truly exists.

I wrote this post several months ago, opened my drafts and saw it again and since I’ve been posting randomly( by mistake sometimes), I decided to post this one on purpose.

Decided to add an advice to this after months:

If someone says they are too busy and/or have no time,the “for you” is silent. Take the cue , No one is really that busy.

Writing to remember

I thought long and hard about whether or not to send this message, whether to call or text or whether to just outrightly ignore your non chalance .

I decided to write it down possibly for just myself.
Before now, I had no remembrance of what being in a relationship with you was like I just knew at the end of it all ,I was annoyed but I didn’t know why I was annoyed . At a point it didn’t make sense , why was I avoiding you, why did I never want to speak to you, why did I hope you got hit by a bus 😂 ( lol! Just kidding about that last one). I wish you nothing but the best.
I realise now why it was so hard to remember what you did that annoyed me. To be honest annoyance isn’t even the word , unfortunately I don’t know the word yet,I just know the feeling.
I’ve discovered now that the reason it was so hard to remember was that it was never anything you did but more of all the things you didn’t do, not calling, not caring and then your constant “I don’t show I care , doesn’t mean I don’t care” I can’t understand how this even makes sense to you or made sense to me. Caring like loving, is in showing, if you can’t show you care then you don’t !!!!!!
I remember now the day I decided I was done, forget all the melodramatic breakup messages before then, I don’t think any of them were really as truthful as they should have been, I didn’t express myself enough, I didn’t say all the things I should have said.

I realised you didn’t care and I covered that up in texts saying how I didn’t want to be labelled and whatever other ridiculous break up messages I sent to you 😂. I guess it was the fear of being needy that didn’t make me say my thoughts out loud.

I realised i didn’t really matter to you and many times I thought I better end this thus the several break up messages you got, if only i could have expressed myself better it would have been just one text or no text at all , just a brief face to face conversation.

The thing is it can be hard to acknowledge that someone you kind of liked, doesn’t care. I mean I think I’m fantastic 😂 how could you possibly not care.

So I tried again even when I felt totally stupid for trying again, felt stupid becaus I knew in my heart of hearts that nothing would ever change, nothing could come out of this but disappointment and confusion. I’d be disappointed and you’d be confused asking what “what did I do?” ” why are you upset ?”.
I was taught/raised to be a strong independent woman so the thought of telling anyone that I needed them to care, or needed them to stay was alien to me, but now I know that part of being that strong independent woman is not mincing words especially when it comes to what I want or need, and if i couldn’t get exactly what I needed having the strength to walk away from anything that clearly isn’t serving me.
On the day I decided I was done, and the day that led to the feeling I had been feeling about you, the feeling we now call annoyance, I did not tell you outrightly, I had just decided in my head as you walked out of that taxi that it was over, I did not send any message like you said I did, but I understand why you would have thought I did ,It was because I sent you so many breakup messages throughout our time together , it would be impossible for you to place which was sent when or in what order they were sent.
I just decided not to call you and guess what? you made it really easy by never calling and that’s how it ended.
I remember now and I’m writing it down so I never forget.

Abroad glow and other myths

See how you are looking fresh! This oyinbo weather is making you fine

Don’t insult me please! 😂, I’ve always been fine and will always be fine😉.

I can not speak for anybody else but I personally think that the abroad glow is a myth,you don’t automatically get to the UK or anywhere else and become fresher 😂… if anything the weather would make you ashy if you don’t moisturize properly.

You’re in the UK? make sure you come back with fine bobo

The number of times I’ve heard this from friends and a few family members, I’m now finally convinced that they are selling men somewhere here, unfortunately I don’t know where yet nd i haven’t seen any shop display “MEN FOR SALE – HUSBAND MATERIAL ONLY” (maybe it is because human trafficking is illegal) I might have bought one or two.

There is no traffic

There are probably better traffic control measures here, so of course there isn’t as much traffic as there is in Lagos, but there’s traffic and you know that fear almost nearing a heart attack that you get when you are in traffic in an uber in a Nigerian city, multiply that fear by at least three, because now you are billed in pounds and you can’t se werey for the uber guy 😂.

(Se werey meaning get angry or literally show madness)

There are No beggars or Homeless people

I feel personally attacked every time I go to the mall and some random person comes in front of me asking if I have change to spare . No I don’t have change!.. Lol! My parents aren’t working hard in Lagos for me to come here and start dashing oyinbo people money. Sorry!

The other day a responsible looking woman stopped me to tell me my earrings are pretty, alright ma ,thank you, now let me be going .. well she started asking me questions that eventually led to the ultimate question” do you have change to spare?” I gave her, but since then every time any one stops me on the road I walk on and pretend to be deaf and dumb 😂. If you need directions I kuku don’t know anywhere, use your Google maps.

I feel like these assumptions are the equivalent of how white people think Africans live on trees, so if you are guilty of any of these assumptions ,it’s time to cut that crap.

I’ve probably missed out many things people assume about living /studying abroad, I’ve been here for less than two months, what do I really know.

This post was funny in my head, so tell me what you think about it in the comment section . Do you want to see more or less of this kind of content? And what other things do you want to see here?

Thank you.

I didn’t move, I went to school.

My title is in reference to the fact that every single time almost without fail, when anyone goes abroad to study they usually say they moved to whatever country ,but this isn’t a move for me and that’s not because I don’t want to be like everyone else, it’s because in my more than 5years in unilag I never said I had moved to yaba. Can’t start now 😊.

It has been exactly a month since I got here,and in retrospect leaving home hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. It hasn’t been easy but definitely not hard. ( I’m very thankful to God for that)

I don’t know what the process of getting into a university in the UK is for everyone, but mine was very tedious, i received a conditional letter of offer fufilled the conditions, was interviewed by the university and received absolutely no feed back from the university until the agent I used contacted them, there was a lot of back and forth then they sent an unconditional letter and so tuition fee payment was made… sounds easy but it was not and it got harder when they were supposed to send a confirmation of acceptance and didn’t send it until weeks after I literally sent a message complaining about the emotional turmoil and mental exhaustion I was been put through and I asked for a refund before I was sent a confirmation of acceptance and this was weeks after the session had begun.

The entire month of January 2019 was one where I was wondering why of all the amazing countries in this world,God decided I should be Nigerian.

Being a Nigerian can be very stressful ! The fear that almost cripples you when you are applying for a visa cannot be normal. The worst part is going back to get your passport and waiting with bated breath to see if your application has been accepted or rejected.

None of this story is on my Instagram feed and that’s one of the morals of this story, real life is sometimes to harsh to put into a picture and caption. The other moral of this story and a reminder to myself and to you, is that sometimes things get hard before they get easy. In the end everything will be ok, and if it isn’t ok , it is not the end.

If you are Nigerian and reading this do you ever find yourself wishing to be from somewhere else? Where would that be? I’m shopping for a new nationality 😂.

3 MOBILE APPS YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED UNTIL NOW 

In my last post i shared a few helpful apps for your instagram , today I’d be sharing some mobile apps that i feel don’t get the mention they deserve even though they are so useful , these three apps provide super simple and meaningful interactions with technology and would definitely be essential in your everyday life.

WELLNESS

The Period Tracker app; is an easy way to track your periods, especially if you are one of those people like me who never learnt  to calculate their periods on their own ( I swear I have no idea how it works) and instead end up having to keep menstrual pads in their bag all year long.

All you have to do is press a button at the start of your period every month. The tracker calculates the average of your past 3 months and predicts the start date of your next period . Easy!!!!

It can do so much more, download period tracker here and see for yourself.

MUSIC

Downloadanysong app ; downloading music has never been easier and faster than with this app, all you have to do is put in the title of the song and the name of the artiste and voilà it shows up, you can listen to the song and download it . Zero stress ! Gone are the stressful days of searching for free mp3 downloads on the web and then you end up downloading a virus 😂 downloadanysong app

MOBILE VIDEO EDITOR

Filmora Go ; is an easy to use video editing app, where you can add music , transitions, visual themes you can trim clips, add voice over, speed up or slow down a particular section of your video, add titles and subtitles to your video e.t.c. In summary it’s an all in one mobile video editing app with a lot of the tools and functions of a professional video editing app only easier. With the way video content is being prioritized these days you definitely need this easy app on the go.

Download Filmora Go here.
I sincerely hope that you found this post useful.

Before you leave, I have a few questions

What are your favorite mobile apps? Please share with us

which of these apps do you think is the most useful ? 

Which would you be downloading?

Let me know in the comment section.
Thank you for reading.

A 4 Step guide to growing your Instagram following in 2019.

As at sometime in June 2018, I had about 2500 followers on Instagram, and an average of about 150- 200 likes per post ,at the moment I have a little over 10,000 followers,and an average of 800 – 1000 likes per photos. So I’d like to  think that I’m fit to write this post to help you grow your Instagram ,

if you’d like to know what I’ve done from then until now, keep reading to find out;

You can check out my Instagram here @thetonyeigbani

1. Post Good Quality photos;

I know that  you read this in  every single post that claims to want to help you be a better instagrammer, and  the reason isn’t farfetched, its the TRUTH! And it goes without saying as Instagram is a visual platform, people follow to see clear, crisp and interesting photos. If your photos are blurry, noisy and unclear,most people are not likely to follow you . so gone are the days of posting an Unclear picture with the caption “blurry but I  like it” because you’d be the only one liking it.
I personally don’t follow accounts with unclear pictures because i put a fair amount of work into creating content so I want to follow people who do the same, also I spend more time than I’m willing to admit on this app so if your photos do not inspire me or make me happy, best believe I’m clicking that unfollow button.

2. Orgarnise your feed;

Icon for the preview app

Icon for the preview app
After you’ve successfully taken good quality photos, the next step is to put these photos together in a visually appealing and aesthetically pleasing way.

I use the Preview app to ensure as best as I can that my feed looks good and somewhat put together. On this app you can move photos you are yet to post around, keep photos to post later in the case they don’t quite fit yet, edit photos if you like, and arrange your photos to your liking.

There are similar apps like PLANOLY , AND UNUM that serve the same purpose.

3. Follow;

Now that you’ve taken good quality , photos, and organized your feed you automatically expect the followers to start rolling in, unfortunately it doesn’t always work like this , because there are so many other people just like who post good content and have aesthically pleasing feeds ( it’s not rocket science) and  most people are just there waiting to be followed, waiting for someone to repost their photos and waiting to go viral, waiting isn’t a bad idea but a better idea is to take the initiative and follow people whose pages you enjoy and pages that leave you feeling inspired. More often than not they’d follow back , especially if you’ve followed through on step one and two of this post. 

I personally follow accounts I like and a lot of the time people follow me back, or at least just take a look at my page and leave a few likes. ( luckily, even going through and leaving a few likes helps grow my following)

Check your unfollowers and ghost followers
Followers insight app icon

I use an app called followers insight to unfollow people who may not find my content good enough to follow back (you can’t be every bodies cup of tea) and I continue following those who do . Win! Win!

4. Engage;

With the way instagram is set up at the time of writing this post ENGAGEMENT IS EVERYTHING! you’ve followed people , it’s time to now engage with their content, while engaging with their content you are helping them and helping yourself (another win for both of you) , liking and leaving genuine comments help you to be more visible to other people . the other great thing is people like to engage with those who engage with them. I’m more likely to leave a comment on a post of somebody who comments on my page than one who doesn’t, no matter how great their pictures are, when people begin to engage and leave comments on your post be sure to make time to reply them, I won’t leave a comment that you are not likely to reply to, unless you are BEYONCÉ . Write engaging captions, talk to the people following you and build your own small community. An additional tip is to use hash tags related to your content to help people looking for the kind of content you create find you easily.

I hope that this post helps you reach your Instagram goals. ( if you don’t have Instagram goals why are you even here 😞)

If you have any other additional tips and/or If you find this post helpful please leave me a comment to let me know.

You can also like and Share this post on your social platforms to help other people who might need it.

Thank you.

HEINEKEN Lagos Fashion Week 2018 (recap)

Lagos Fashion Week is an annual multi-day fashion event founded in 2011 by Omoyemi Akerele.

 It held from the 24th – 27th October 2018.

It was filled with colour,  texture , and some great african beats.

Tulle and aso oke were some of the prominent fabric on the runway this year.

Lagos Fashion Week is a fashion platform that drives the Nigerian and ultimately, the African fashion industry; .

The schedule this year

The shows 

DAY 1

The Dew  Collection

Russel Solomon

Cynthia  Abila

Lagos space program

Maxivive

Day 2

Demure  by Denike

Dzyn

Ugo  Monye

Sunny Rose

Black coffee 

Day 3



House of Deola 

Tokyo James

Emmy kasbit

Iamisigo

Odio MIMONET

That’s all the shows I’d  be sharing here today.

Did you attend Lagos Fashion week 2018?

What were your favourite  collections this year?

In slightly more personal and believeably exciting  news I made it to VOGUE ‘s  best street style from Lagos Fashion Week

Check it out here @britishvogue

And here @voguegermany Number 67

What did you think about this year’s streetstyle ?

I thought it was quite exciting and everyone brought thier A game.

I hope you enjoyed this lengthy  Lagos Fashion week recap 😉😄.

Leave me your thoughts on the comment section.

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